


Back in Truck

by Lafman



Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Abuse, All more or less implied, Angst, Brainwashing, Gen, Happy Ending, Identity Issues, Intimidation, Just robot gore at most, Loss of Identity, Manipulation, Recovery, Trauma, Violence, What violence there is isn't graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 08:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafman/pseuds/Lafman
Summary: After escaping from Decepticon captivity, Optimus finds that reclaiming his true self is no easy task. At all.(More context inside)(Set in Season 2)(I don't regret the title)





	Back in Truck

**Author's Note:**

> Okay if you want some context then here it is:
> 
> Megatron and co snatched OP and tried to turn him into a Decepticon (they even named him *Nemesis Prime*) aaand succeeded but then the other Autobuddies came and rescued him with the Power of Friendship...
> 
> This is old and I swear I write better + more coherent things now but my FRIEND wanted me to put it up and FRIENDSHIP IS SACRED

It was simple, really. A handful of words and nothing more. A string of utterances, a vocal excercise. And yet, he'd been trying for over an hour, locked up in his room.

His room. His trailers, his recharge slab, his trophy. Home.

"My name is..."

Inhale. He didn't dare finish that sentence the wrong way. Wrong way? Here, in his room, at home, he didn't have to watch for the things he said and the way he said them. Home was safe.

"Home is where the spark is..." he muttered. He wasn't sure if the saying went like that, but it helped him visualize where his spark had to stay and not wander off like his processor.

He shifted and started again.

"My name..." Two syllables was as far as he got. He eyed the trophy again: it was a good-looking wing, considering who it had belonged to, before he ripped it out. For a good cause, of course.

Just like He had ripped out his hose, for a good cause.

A sharp exhale. He decided he didn't need to see the trophy for now and put it safely out of sight. There had to be something else to reign himself in, to keep him "grounded", like Prowl said. He chose a pair of plush dice on his desk and settled back down.

The dice were a gift from Sari. One of the dice was red and the other was blue. She said they matched his plating, and she was right.

Sari was a human, she was Earth. And he'd sworn to protect Earth, so he'd protect Sari. And what would he say if Sari came up and asked him: 'who are you?'

"My name... my... name... is... my name is... is..."

He shut his optics in concentration, but was greeted by a pair of mocking red ones.

"AaAh, HOME!" He stumbled back to his feet, vents clamped down protectively. "Hooome, Autobot Base. Base plant factory thing, with... Sari." It felt incredibly stupid to repeat the same old keywords, but it did wonders to calm him down.

He brushed the plush dice against his cheek. "Stop playing tricks," he said to his brain.

He was thirsty. It would have been easy to open the door, go get some oil and come back. But he couldn't stop. By Primus, if nothing else he was stubborn, and he had stubbornly decided that he couldn't show his face to the team until he had this little big issue sorted out.

He tried something different.

"Prime." That could be anyone. It could be Longarm Prime. It could be Sentinel Prime.

"Op... Optimus Prime." It could mean anything. It could be the answer to the question: "who's died and been replaced by a superior version?" or "who are they looking for where they won't find him?"

"My name is Op... Puh... Prime." The _other_ name also ended like that. An empty title, ridiculous even. There had been an explanation, but he couldn't quite catch it through the deafening white noise and the kaleidoscopic pattern on his lenses and the pain that was everywhere and nowhere, electrifying but numb.

He had said that if he dared call himself by the old name again, He would know, and He would make him wish he had never been sparked.

And then He had told him, step by step, how he would make that happen.

That was why he was scared. But _no_ , he _wasn't_ scared, he _had been_ scared, he had been made to love first and fear because of it, but he'd snapped out of that love and the fear went with it.

Not that he had replaced fear with peace of mind. He knew that he would never have peace of mind or quiet nights. But he knew that if Megatron was right and he could hear him right then and if he came to do exactly as he promised, he wouldn't be scared but spiteful. Glad even, glad to be dragged to Pit and back again and again, knowing 

that it wouldn't break him the first or the second or the thousandth time.

"I'm Optimus Prime. My name is Optimus Prime. My name is _Optimus Prime_..."

**Author's Note:**

> YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE


End file.
